Last week Jesus left me laughing with his stroll through the streets with the Bee-Gee’s playing in the background. See “Let’s Have a Little Fun, Shall We?” to make sense of this sentence if you haven’t already.
This week Jesus leaves me scratching my head.
What’s that you say, Jesus? Come again? I don’t understand.
As much as I want to pastor a church full-time, that opportunity has not been afforded me…yet. I deeply love my St. Luke Family and would gladly make my work with them full-time, but we are small in number and the finances just aren’t there. Wouldn’t it be great if I could make it grow in number and bring in more people to give more money so I could have the salary I need to support my family? Welllll…would that be great? Lots to unpack there. First and foremost, bringing in people to make a salary should never be a pastor’s primary goal. Neh-ver.
So, my full-time job is with a virtual staffing company.
What’s that you say, Elizabeth? Come again? I don’t understand.
My job is to match clients with contractors (virtual assistants, bookkeepers, social media managers) and then manage their working relationship for the duration of the engagement - all from the comfort of my own home. In short, I work remotely as a matchmaker and an account manager. Zoom, Voxer, Slack, and Gmail are my new best friends. As glorious as that does not sound, I love the company and really, really love the clients and contractors I get to meet across the U.S.
Oh hi, client! You work directly with NBA players? Cool, cool. That doesn’t intimidate me at all. Oh hey there, other client! You are a best-selling author on human trafficking? Awesome! Please tell me you can’t see me sweating through the computer screen…
Sometimes the matchmaking does not go very well. For the past couple of months, I have been working with one client who has not liked the virtual assistants I placed with them. We started with one VA - not good. We transitioned to a second VA - not good. We are on our third virtual assistant and it seems to be going well. Do you know why it is going well? The answer surprised me, although it probably shouldn’t have.
The third VA is going well because they spoke up during the first couple of work sessions with the client and said, whoa. Slow down. I don’t quite understand what you’re saying and I am overwhelmed by everything you’re throwing my way right now. The client LOVED this. While the first two VAs tried to pretend like they got it and were completely fine when, in fact, they did not have it and were not fine, the third VA spoke up with honesty. Imagine that! Being honest. What a concept?!
Why am I telling you this story?
Too often we behave with God the way the first two VAs behaved with my client. We pretend like we’ve got it and we’re all good when in reality we don’t understand and we’re terribly confused. Often, pretending to “get it” is seen as having faith when, in fact, being honest about our confusion is the real faith.
Trusting that God is not fragile and God would prefer an honest relationship with us instead of a pretend one, I’m reading Matthew 9:35 - 10:8 with a perplexed look on my face.
Alright, so at first the passage makes sense to me. Jesus is being Jesus and he sees the work that needs to be done is beyond what one person can handle (hey, hey!! saving that sentence to write about in more detail later). He is rockin’ and rollin’ with his healing, teaching, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom. He takes a look around and has compassion for the number of people he deems as lost. Please read that sentence carefully.
Jesus makes a bold statement claiming, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few.”
So he commissions The Twelve to go out and do as he is doing - heal, teach, and proclaim the good news. Ok fine - all good, all good.
On the one hand, I love that Jesus seemingly makes space for help when help is needed. But on the other hand, I wonder if this is the move of someone beginning a pyramid scheme. I can’t help but ask because this is where Jesus starts to lose me.
The instructions he gives to the disciples make me uncomfortable (not that being uncomfortable is bad) and make me question my understanding of who Jesus was and what his real purpose was.
Remember, God is not fragile and prefers honesty. God always shows up for the ones who are willing to wrestle and sit in the unknown until the blessing is revealed (Jacob, anyone?).
The very first instruction Jesus gives to The Twelve is, “Go nowhere among the Gentiles, and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. As you go, proclaim the good news, 'The kingdom of heaven has come near.'"
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Side eye.
Jesus said what?
I thought Jesus preached inclusivity and broke down social/religious barriers to bring people together to live in harmony. Why are we being weird about the Gentiles and the Samaritans here, Jesus? I’m confused.
Then Jesus goes on and on about finding people who are worthy, staying in houses that are deemed worthy, and if some houses don’t listen to the disciples, then shake the dust from that house off of their shoes and move along, Twelve, move along.
Yeesh.
Seems a little harsh.
Aren’t we all worthy? What are the qualifications for being worthy? Is it prestige? Is it purity? Is it obedience or wealth? What does worthy mean in this context???
Jesus even goes as far as to say, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.”
Whoa. Stop. Slow down. I don’t understand what you are saying right now, Jesus.
I am comfortable with a mean Jesus. He did overturn tables and call his disciples fools after all. But, I’m not used to a threatening Jesus whose threats are around exclusivity instead of inclusivity.
Most of the time, Jesus is harsh toward people who are trying very hard to keep their way of life intact even when their way of life hurts people at best and oppresses people at worst.
But here we have Jesus telling his disciples to not be like the Gentiles, to stay out of Samaria (so much for the Good Samaritan), to figure out who is worthy and who is not (even though he says he is here for the sick, not the well about 10 or so verses earlier), and to completely dismiss anyone who is not willing to listen because their day in judgment will come soon enough and will be worse than Sodom and Gomorrah.
Say what, now, Jesus?
Those instructions do not fit the image of Jesus I have conjured for myself at all.
So what do we do when we have more questions than answers? Keep asking questions, of course.
Why is Jesus so sharp with these instructions?
Well, one thing to consider is this is in the book of Matthew. Of all of the gospel writers, Matthew was the most concerned about Jesus being Jewish. The Book of Matthew starts by showing Jesus’ direct connection to Abraham and King David just in case anyone were to question his Jewish lineage.
So were these instructions from Jesus or from Matthew? Probably both if we are being honest. Yes, of course, the authors influenced the writings. How could they not? It doesn’t make it any less Divine.
What about finding people worthy and the instruction to so easily dismiss people who wouldn’t listen? Doesn’t that go against “love your neighbor” and “love your enemy” and all that jazz?
Maybe.
Or, maybe Jesus was giving the disciples permission to not stay too long in places where they aren’t appreciated. If you aren’t being treated kindly, then no need to stick around, disciples. Maybe Jesus was helping them draw healthy boundaries. It’s a little far-fetched, but not completely out of the question.
The one question I really have no idea how to answer is - why is Jesus so bleak with the plight of the disciples? Bring nothing, accept nothing, and do this in the name of God.
Why, Jesus, why???
When we talked through this passage at St. Luke today, I emphasized the need to sit in the uncomfortable spaces that scripture can lead us to at times.
I do not have answers today. I do not have a pretty little lesson that wraps this scripture up in a nice little bow to pretend like the scripture makes sense. There very well may be another time when I read this passage and it doesn’t make me so uncomfortable. But, for today, I am sitting in the awkward place of not knowing how to reconcile a side of Jesus that doesn’t make sense to me.
I call this having faith. I hope you will, too.
Grounded in Divine, free to sit in the unknown and uncomfortable.
Looking for God…
2016 was an especially brutal year for our little family. Thankfully there was never anything life-threatening going on, but a lot of life happened in a short amount of time. Surgeries, illnesses, diagnostic mammograms, big life decisions - that kind of thing. It was a lot all at once and I tend to prefer taking life one bite at a time.
To keep myself grounded that year, I found a specific spot at our dinner table that allowed me a small, but gorgeous, view of the lake by our house. I am sitting in that spot now, looking through a tiny opening between the trees to see the water shimmering with the reflection of the sun. There is a glow around the picture-perfect scene and a sense of calm filling the space between the water and me. I could sit here for hours basking in the holiness of this small spot that offers such deep connectedness to Divine.
Honestly, what I love about finding this spot is that there isn’t anything more to do than sit. Sometimes I offer a “Hey there, God.” But, when these holy spaces present themselves, it is enough to just be in the presence of God - no prayer or reading or even contemplating necessary. God and I can sit in comfortable silence and trust all is well even when life events are doing their best to convince you otherwise.
Where is your space for God? Do you have a spot in your home or your neighborhood or your community where you can sit and be still to know I AM?
Funny Story…
Today happens to be Father’s Day so here is a picture of Joe being the devoted father he is. It can’t be easy being the dad of three girls, even if our three are practically perfect in every way (please pick up on the sarcasm!). He lets them brush his hair, wear his favorite band t-shirts, and eat the candy he gets as gifts from students in his classroom. He takes them to buy lip gloss and ice cream. He still reads to our youngest every night after years of reading to the older two until they asked him to stop because at some point they have to break our hearts by thinking they are too old for certain rituals. He never asks the girls to be anyone other than who they truly are. He creates memories with them and sits at the dinner table with us every single night to eat the meal we all fought over because apparently, no 5 people can be happy about the same food at the same time. All of the big and small ways in which Joe shows up for our three daughters add up to make him a damn good dad. Happy Father’s Day, Joe!
Thank you for reading Grounded & Free! I am allowing myself to be a beginner with this work. If your feedback is rooted in kindness and genuine care, please feel free to let me know what you like and don’t like, or where you think there needs to be a correction.
Thank you. Your timing is right on. We listened to a sermon this morning and are still confused. Still scratching our heads. 2Samuel 13-18 (God's mercy in the mess) Anyway, still not sure what God's design for us is. As for your Joe 🎶 He's the BEST ... BETTER than all the rest 🎶. He loves his FOUR girls dearly. And I loved the picture you posted. I have one of Annie putting rollers in his hair. Theirs lots of love in your home. XO